Sunday, May 22, 2011
Goldilocks Syndrome of the Pants
This weekend has been all about wardrobe malfunctions involving my pants. Before I left for work Friday I noticed that my go to pair of black work pants had obtained numerous food stains and a truly wretched smell from the previous night. Having neither the time nor quarters to do a load of laundry I resorted to something I hope I'll never have to do again; I slipped into the only other pair of black pants I owned; a pair of slim cut black pants that I had bought once by mistake (the mistake being I thought I could do slim fitting pants) that I thought didn't fit me, and for the most part they did not. After much effort and a particularly rebellious fly I managed to get them on and let me tell you, I sure as hell wasn't singin' no Teenage Dream. They were so tight I could feel my sperm count go down with each step, I was afraid that I was going to Hulk out of them before the end of the night. I don't know how my friends who wear pants like that do it, let alone find them comfortable. As the night went on I broke them in some and they weren't so bad, though getting them off was no easy feet either.
The next day was the exact opposite problem, with usual pants now clean I was ready to wear them to work, only I forgot my belt at home and was having to constantly hike my pants up every 5 minutes for they were too big around the waist.